5 RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTION TIPS

Tip 1: Make your resolutions in July

The problem with making resolutions on New Year’s Eve is that we’re focused on the wrong thing. We’re focused on the day, rather than on what we want to accomplish. We turn our resolution into an all-or-nothing proposition. We set unreasonable standards, make it an event and set ourselves up to fail before we even get started. If you’re serious about keeping your resolution, begin on December 17, or January 8, or any ordinary day of the year. DON’T MAKE IT A SPECIAL DAY! If you break your resolution on a Wednesday then start over on Thursday. Don’t wait for THE RIGHT TIME, or until January 1.

Tip 2: Think of your resolution as an ATM, but instead of instant cash, you want instant results

These days, most of us are programmed to be instantgratification-oriented. We give up if we don’t see immediate progress or if things don’t improve right away. Since the best way to improve your relationship is one minute at a time, one hour at a time and one day at a time, it’s okay if you mess up one minute or one day, you just have to start again. Improving your relationship is not like losing weight; you don’t have to wait for weeks or months to see the results. A hug, a kiss, a kind act can start improving it immediately. Start with an action in which you’re likely to get a positive reaction. It’ll give you confidence and motivation to continue.

Tip 3: Think small — even smaller

Have you ever walked 100 miles? Would you believe it if someone told you that you could effortlessly walk 100 miles without breaking into a sweat or losing your breath? Probably not, but it’s true, you can. In fact, you already have. You just didn’t do it at the same time. According to studies, over the course of your life, an average person walks over 100 miles. The average, overweight, sedentary person walks over 75 miles. You’ve probably already walked thousands of miles and you even ran part of the way. The point is, when making a resolution, promise yourself not to focus your attention on the end result you want to achieve but instead, focus on the steps along the way. Divide up your goal into tiny, manageable steps. Then break those steps into even smaller steps and you’ll make giant strides towards keeping your resolution.

Tip 4: Make a list and check it twice a day

It can be fun to share your resolutions with friends or your partner at a party on New Year’s Eve, but if you don’t write them down they just become so much confetti that gets swept away the next morning. This year, make a resolution ‘check-list’ and don’t stick it in a drawer. Place it somewhere where you can check it at least twice a day and chart your progress or lack of progress often. This will help you stay or get back on course.

Tip 5: Make your list specific and concrete

Once again, think small and break each resolution into very specific, concrete activities that you can check off as you accomplish them. Most of us make resolutions to be more romantic or more affectionate or to improve the way we communicate. But these are vague wishes that might just as well be tossed in a well. If you want to improve the way you communicate with your partner, be specific. Which area of ‘communication’ skills do you want to tackle? Agreements, apologies, arguing, expectations, fairness, listening, sharing? Choose one then list specific activities you want to work on. Then list the specific goal, so you know when you’ve achieved them.